Posts Tagged facebook

Stephanie Seymour’s Son Slams the Haters Over Mom Smooch – E! Online (blog)

A kiss is just a kiss. Even if it[‘s a full-on mouth smooch with mom.

So says Stephanie Seymour’s 18-year-old socialite son, Peter Brant II, who issued a statement on his Facebook fan page (yes, the dude has one) smacking down tabloid insinuations that a liplock on the beach last week with his supermodel mom is somehow indicative of an incestuous relationship.

How does he explain the salacious photos that have been making their way around the Net?

RELATED: Stephanie Seymour and mogul hubby make up

“I would just like to say that these pictures have been taken completely out of context, my mother and i are very close as she is with all her children. she often hugs and kisses me and my siblings in an manner that is intimate, any mother in the world does the same,” writes Brant, Seymour’s child with newsprint billionaire and film producer Peter Brant.

Junior noted that the whole so-called “Beach kiss scandal” has been “taken completely out of context,” particularly given he’s, uh, gay.

“That day on the beach we walked around with each other completely aware of the presence of photographers there,” added Brant. “We have nothing to hide and with that in mind I would like to say that I am openly gay. At my age my mother and I are almost like friends and I feel open to talk to her about anything (and yes our relationship may be different because of my sexuality).”

Pretension holds no bounds for this guy, who describes himself on his Facebook page as a “socialite and model,” a dapper-looking young lad, often spotted attending Fashion Week and photographed wearing ascots.

No doubt this will up the number of Facebook fans he has. Now if only he can sing, we’re pretty sure a Glee cameo is just around the corner.

RELATED: Stephanie Seymour’s security scuffle

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Palin Criticizes Manufacturers of ‘Blood Libel’ as Proponents of Speech Limits … – Fox News

Sarah Palin made a call to conscience Wednesday for those who would manufacture “a blood libel” for last weekend’s Arizona shooting, saying “acts of monstrous brutality … begin and end with the criminals who commit them, not collectively” with Americans exercising their constitutional freedoms.

The former Republican vice-presidential candidate, the target of many pontificators ascribing motive to gunman Jared Lee Loughner, charged in the Tucson attack that killed six and injured 14 others, had been silent since shortly after the Saturday shooting when she issued a two-line statement offering her prayers for the families and victims.

But Palin’s name — and those of others, including Republican Senate candidate Sharron Angle — had been central in the early accusations over what spurred the shooting. Liberal media pundits assigned blame by citing Palin’s political action committee’s website, which showed crosshairs on districts that it was targeting in the November midterm, including the district of Rep. Gabrielle Giffords, the believed target of the gunman who was wounded in the shooting.

Others said Angle’s comments on the campaign trail also incited violence. The debate about heated political rhetoric ratcheted up so quickly and vigorously — even before Loughner had been identified as the alleged shooter — some Democratic lawmakers called for curbs on free speech.

In a Facebook posting issued Wednesday morning, Palin lamented the “irresponsible statements” of those casting blame on political figures.

“If you don’t like a person’s vision for the country, you’re free to debate that vision. If you don’t like their ideas, you’re free to propose better ideas. But, especially within hours of a tragedy unfolding, journalists and pundits should not manufacture a blood libel that serves only to incite the very hatred and violence they purport to condemn. That is reprehensible,” Palin said, referring to the Medieval term used to try to demonize Jews by accusing them of murdering Christians to use their blood in ritual.

She added that claims that the political rhetoric is somehow more heated today than ever before seem unfounded, noting that “back in those ‘calm days’” of the Republic, political differences were occasionally settled with “dueling pistols.”

Palin was immediately criticized for the statements.

“You know, Sarah Palin just can’t seem to get it, on any front. I think she’s an attractive person, she is articulate,” Rep. James Clyburn, D-S.C., reportedly told the Bill Press radio show. “But I think intellectually, she seems not to be able to understand what’s going on here.”

As Palin decried the exploitation of the Arizona shooting, some lawmakers said federal regulations are needed to stop heated speech.

Rep. Louise Slaughter, D-N.Y., on Monday referenced a comment by Angle in calling for a change in the nation’s political dialogue — by will or by law.

“‘Don’t retreat, reload.’ Someone in Nevada saying we may need to use Second Amendment remedies. There’s only one way to read this,” Slaughter said.

Rep. Brad Sherman, D-Calif., told Fox News that Angle “talked about people rising up and taking over the government by force, using their guns. She was very explicit.”

Sherman said that even if language used by Angle and her supporters hadn’t incited the shootings in Arizona, eventually it will lead to violence.

“I’m saying if you have a heart attack, stop smoking, not because nicotine may or may not have caused your last heart attack, you’ll never know, but it’s going to cause the next one,” Sherman said. “And if we continue to bring into the mainstream and treat as civil those who call for violence and disruption and assassination and revolution and insurrection, then whether that caused what happened in Tucson or not, it will cause the next tragedy.”

Angle defended herself in a statement released late Tuesday.

“Expanding the context of the attack to blame and to infringe upon the people’s constitutional liberties is both dangerous and ignorant. The irresponsible assignment of blame to me, Sarah Palin or the Tea Party movement by commentators and elected officials puts all who gather to redress grievances in danger,” Angle said.

“Finger-pointing toward political figures is an audience-rating game and contradicts the facts as they are known,” Angle added. “I have consistently called for reasonable political dialogue on policy issues to encourage civil political education and debate. Inappropriately attributing blame of a singular tragedy to achieve a political agenda is contrary to civil discourse, and is a media ploy to which I refuse to belong.”

In the wake of the shooting, the National Hispanic Media Coalition used the incident to reiterate its call for the FCC to update its definitions of hate speech in media. It also asked the FCC to “examine the extent and effects of hate speech in media, and non-regulatory options for counteracting the violence that extreme rhetoric breeds.”

Rep. Robert Brady, D-Pa., said he has no knowledge about what motivated Loughner to attack Giffords and the others, but he still wants legislation that bans the use of certain imagery when talking about congressional targets.

“I want to eliminate what may have been,” Brady told Fox News. “I’m not a psychologist … All I’m saying is you can’t put a bull’s eye or a crosshair on a member of Congress.”

And on Tuesday, Rep. Kurt Schrader, D-Ore., was quoted in the Oregon Statesman-Journal saying he blamed conservative media personalities like Fox News’ Glenn Beck and radio host Rush Limbaugh.

“I hold them personally responsible. I don’t know how they can sleep at night after this,” Schrader said.

Loughner, the accused gunman with no discernible connection to American political discourse, has not stated why he allegedly shot 20 people in the assault at a Tucson Safeway grocery store. The Wall Street Journal reported Wednesday that the community college student who had been suspended last October had frequented gaming websites seeking answers to questions about why he couldn’t find a job or get a girlfriend.

More than a decade ago, lawmakers like Sen. Joe Lieberman, D-Conn., warned that violence in movies and video games could cause violence in life. But graphic imagery and heated rhetoric moved to the political theater long before that. 

Several recent examples have been offered from both sides of the aisle, including President Obama’s quoting from the film “The Untouchables” in which appears the statement, “If they bring a knife, we’ll bring a gun.”

And even before movie references, crosshairs and bull’s eyes, “battlefields” were drawn across campaign and policy landscapes. President Lyndon Johnson’s State of the Union speech called for a figurative “War on Poverty,” a precursor to the Reagan administration’s equally figurative “War on Drugs.”

Slaughter said that while she’s not up to speed on current regulations, the Federal Communications Commission should work to sanction broadcasts that could incite people to violence.

“No one owns the airwaves,” Slaughter said. “They are owned by the people.”

If lawmakers were to seek remedies to quiet distasteful discussion, the so-called Fairness Doctrine is at the top of lists inspiring supporters and alarming opponents.

Rep. James Clyburn, D-S.C., told National Public Radio said he “came up in a time that the Fairness Doctrine did not allow media outlets to say things about a candidate or a person in public office without giving that person equal time to respond. And I really believe that everybody needs to take a look at where we are pushing things, and may need to take a serious step back and evaluate what’s going on here.”

Brent Bozell, president of the Media Research Center, said any effort to “use the Arizona tragedy as an excuse to criminalize conservative thought through the FCC” will “backfire magnificently.”

“The country is learning that a) there was no conservative ‘hate’ speech that inspired this killer, and b) that this monster wasn’t even a conservative! In the face of those realities, any attempt to tar Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin, the Tea Party, or any other conservative leader as responsible in any way will be met with outrage by the American people. If they bring a knife, we’ll bring a gun — as they say,” Bozell said.

And not every politician may be on board with a hasty turn to bottling up dissenting voices. Delivering a speech Tuesday, Sen. Patrick Leahy, D-Vt., said media have the power to inspire, motivate and inform. “But they also have the power to inflame and incite. The seething rhetoric has gone too far.”

However, Leahy added, “In a free society, the society that we Americans must always want our country to be, the government should not and must not restrain free expression.”

Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass., also suggested Tuesday in a speech at the Center for American Progress that the blame game has no winner.

“The big question wasn’t whose rhetoric was right or wrong, but whether our political conversation was worthy of the confidence and trust of the American people,” he said.

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Is Facebook Shutting Down? Just Another Internet Hoax – The Epoch Times

By Mimi Nguyen LyEpoch Times Staff Created: Jan 9, 2011 Last Updated: Jan 9, 2011

Is Facebook shutting down? “I just want my old life back,” Mark Zuckerberg said, according to WeeklyWorldNews. (Justin Sullivan/Getty Images)

“Facebook Ending on March 15” is the “news” that has spread quickly across the web—it is unclear whether the hoax began from rumours on Facebook or by a website called WeeklyWorldNews.

WeeklyWorldNews says “users will no longer be able to access their Facebook account” starting March 15, because “managing the site has become too stressful.” The article goes on to quote Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg saying, “I just want my old life back.”

The website, however, has made false claims in the past, including Michelle Obama being pregnant, and Michael Jackson being spotted on the moon after his death.

This online prank makes Facebook the latest victim in the line of recent Internet death hoaxes, such as Adam Sandler, Aretha Franklin and Owen Wilson.

And the “news” arrives barely a week after a $500 million investment in Facebook by Goldman Sachs Group Inc. and a Russian investor.

But it’s not the first time the social network has faced a hoax—similar rumors were spreading back in 2007.“A hoax is an attempt to trick an audience into believing that something false is real. In Facebook several of these hoaxes are popping up all over the place,” says the description of a group called “Facebook Hoax” on Facebook.

The group suggests to save bandwidth and unnecessary misunderstanding and “use your common sense before you forward a message” to friends on Facebook, with a tip to “copy some of the text from the message into the Google search field and take a look at the search result that the search engine finds for you” as a starting point.

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2 injured in Omaha School Shooting: Suspect posted suicide note on Facebook – allvoices

A high school senior and a son of police detective shot and wounded the Millard South High school principal and an assistant principal Wednesday, Robert Butler,Jr. then later was found dead in his car for apparent suicide according to the police.

Robert Butler, allegedly left a suicide note on his Facebook page, “Everybody that used to know me I’m sry but Omaha changed me and (expletive) me up. and the school I attend is even worse ur gonna here about the evil (expletive) I did but that (expletive) school drove me to this. I wont u guys to remember me for who I was b4 this ik. I greatly affected the lives of the families ruined but I’m sorry. goodbye,”

The violence steamed up when Robert Butler was suspended from the school Wednesday for allegedly driving his vehicle in the football field causing to tear it up, a source reported.

MSNBC reports, “The principal, Curtis Case, was in stable but serious condition at Creighton University Medical Center, according to spokeswoman Kelsey Archer. He had been at the school for five or six years, Millard Schools Superintendent Keith Lutz said.

Assistant principal Vicki Caspar was in critical condition. She was a veteran administrator at the Millard South High school, Lutz said.”

The school was on lockdown after the shooting, but by 3 p.m., students were being released in groups from the school. Parents were allowed to pick them up at a nearby church.

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Shooting suspect was new to Omaha high school – Atlanta Journal Constitution

National / World News 7:07 p.m. Wednesday, January 5, 2011

By JOSH FUNK

The Associated Press

OMAHA, Neb. — The teen suspected of shooting two administrators at his Omaha high school warned in a Facebook post on the same day of the attack that people would hear about the “evil” things he did and said the school drove him to violence.

Map locates Millard South High School in Omaha, Neb., where a gunman has injured at least two individuals.

An undated photo shows Millard South high school student Robert Butler Jr. Butler shot and wounded two adults, Wednesday, Jan. 5, 2011, at the Millard South high school in Omaha, causing students to rush into a school kitchen to take cover before his body was found in a car about a mile away. (AP Photo/Courtesy photo via Lincoln Journal Star) MAGS OUT; NO SALES, ONLINE OUT, TV OUT

An unidentified student, center, is united with a loved one, in Omaha, Neb., Wednesday, Jan. 5, 2011, outside the Millard South High School after a student shot and wounded two adults, causing students to rush into a school kitchen to take cover before his body was found in a car about a mile away. (AP Photo/Dave Weaver)

An unidentified student is united with a loved one in Omaha, Neb., Wednesday, Jan. 5, 2011, outside the Millard South High School. Police say a 17-year-old who opened fire in an Omaha, Neb., high school fatally shot himself after leaving the school. (AP Photo/Dave Weaver)

Police say 17-year-old Robert Butler Jr. opened fire Wednesday at Millard South High School, wounding his principal and vice principal before killing himself. Authorities say they don’t know what prompted the attack.

Butler recently transferred to the school from Lincoln, Neb. He wrote in the post that Omaha changed him and said he wanted people to remember him for who he was before affecting “the lives of the families I ruined.”

A friend of Butler’s from a high school in Lincoln confirmed the Facebook post.

___

Associated Press Writer Ryan Foley in Iowa City, Iowa, contributed to this report.

___

January 05, 2011 07:07 PM EST

Copyright 2011, The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

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Avril Lavigne is Not Dead – LALATE

Avril Lavigne is Not Dead

LOS ANGELES (LALATE) – Avril Lavigne is not dead from a snowboarding accident in Whistler. Avril Lavigne false death reports today are the latest round of fake celebrity stories being pursued on Twitter. Today’s entry falsely claimed Avigne was on a Whistler snow trail (not even open at that time) with Brody Jenner (who is at the beach this New Year’s weekend, not the mountains).

The fake claims about Avril Lavigne hit as Lavigne debuted her new song. Fans are praising the track on Facebook Sunday.

Since 2009, fake celebrity death reports have become more frequent, more encompassing, and faster spreading. Initially spread via message boards in 2009, such reports spread quicker in 2010 via the popularity of Twitter. But as the fake reports grew, their lack of originality remained unchanged . Whether it’s Nick Jonas in 2009 or Lavigne in 2011, celebrity death reports generally start with a vacation spot, add a fake crash, and usually insert a vehicle like a train, plane, or car.

But at the end of 2010, such reports took a new turn as one person sought to combine archived news video clips together. In late December 2010, one person took two Los Angeles archived news video clips about Tupac Shakur and Suge Knight and created a false but believable report about Tupac’s death. While the trend of combining news video together was novel, it again was spread by Twitter. For viewers that didn’t live in Los Angeles, the videos appeared real, even though they were from different news broadcasts at different times.

When fake celebrity death reports first made news in fall 2009, they struck only teen pop celebrities and rappers. Lil Wayne, Nick Jonas and Miley Cyrus were the most common subjects. By the end of 2010, such reports spread to TV and film actors. And while celebrities from sports and other industries have yet to become victims, today’s round of fake Avril Lavigne reports proves that, whether believable or not, the reports are still dominating our culture via our social networking platforms.

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Person of the Year: Kamla Persad-Bissessar – Trinidad & Tobago Express

Story Created: Dec 22, 2010 at 2:54 AM ECT

Story Updated: Dec 22, 2010 at 2:54 AM ECT

Time magazine started the tradition of naming a person of the year in 1927. It was intended, not as an honour, but rather a simple recognition of the most newsworthy person of that year.
In 1927 the man of the year was Charles Lindberg. In 1999 Albert Einstein was named person of the century and Franklin Roosevelt and Mahatma Gandhi were runners up. This year they named the founder of Facebook Mark Zuckerberg as person of the year.
Not surprisingly Time magazine has managed to ignore newsworthy but dishonourable characters like Osama Bin Laden and Adolph Hitler and as a result the recognition is often seen as an honour. The determination, however, is rather North American centric, and so many other organisations have plagiarised Time and nominated their own person of the year.
The daily Maverick in South Africa has named Wikileaks founder Julian Assange as their person of the year. Forbes India has named Nitish Kumar (who is the Chief Minister of Bihar) as their person of the year.
So I hope readers will forgive me for stealing Times idea and naming my own personal Trinidad-centric person of the year. And it should be no surprise that after much consideration I have decided (with no help from anyone and totally uninfluenced by the Express) that my person of the year is Kamla Persad-Bissessar. In truth there were few other candidates with Jack Warner running a distant second in my Top 100.
Kamla Persad-Bissessar was hardly out of the news in 2010 and achieved three major milestones as well as many other significant news items. She started the year as a mere opposition Member of Parliament with little obvious prospects for promotion. She finished the year as the Prime Minister with an overwhelming majority in Parliament. This journey was by no means a foregone conclusion and while she may have had help on the way the political achievements were outstanding.
January 2010 saw the UNC in an internal election crisis as thousands of applications had been made to be added to list of members eligible to vote in the January 24 election. The pollsters of course provided wildly inaccurate information about the likely outcome which should cast a permanent doubt on their accuracy, independence and integrity. The polls had Panday as leading with Ramesh Lawrence Maharaj close behind and Persad-Bissessar third. There were also major doubts over the integrity of the voting list which was controlled by the party establishment. The Parliamentary party was also firmly against Persad-Bissessar with only Jack Warner and Winston Peters providing vocal support and Nizam Baksh also believed to be in the Persad-Bissessar camp.

The result was a landslide victory for Persad-Bissessar. I interviewed Jack Warner the next morning and asked if he had had any doubts about the results, especially in view of the polls and doubts over the lists. Jack in his inimitable style laughed and said it was never in doubt no matter who was on the list. He declared Persad-Bissessar would beat Bas ten to one on any list in Trinidad including among PNM voters.That outstanding victory which vanquished and humiliated both Basdeo Panday and Ramesh Lawrence Maharaj, permanently destroying their leadership hopes, was just the beginning. Basdeo Panday did not give up gracefully. He maintained his control on the parliamentary party and did not relinquish the post of leader of the opposition. Notwithstanding the massive victory in party elections the Parliamentary Party remained unsupportive and it took some time for Persad-Bissessar, again aided by Jack Warner, to wrest control of the party.The next challenge followed quickly. Attempting to take advantage of dissension within the UNC and the divided opposition parties Patrick Manning called a snap election. Hindsight tells us that this decision was a misjudgment as it became the catalyst for the UNC to close ranks and to accelerate an accommodation with the COP and other fragmented opposition parties.This was achieved because the mild mannered Persad-Bissessar was able to appeal to all who were against the PNM in a way the vituperative and divisive Basdeo Panday could not. Persad-Bissessar had achieved opposition unity by dint of personality without any philosophical underpinning. The new opposition included the forces of organised labour together with many other usually conflicting elements.

Having achieved opposition unity the overwhelming victory in the general elections of May 24 2010 was not a surprise. Patrick Manning found himself faced with a confluence of unfavourable events that led to an inexorable decline in his popularity. The UdeCOTT/Calder Hart affair, the Guanapo Heights church, the stadium flag and other missteps, in times of a significant budget deficit consigned Manning to defeat without any serious consideration of what the opposition proposed. There was an overwhelming feeling that Patrick Manning and thus the PNM, must go.Those three achievements (UNC leadership, opposition unity and election victory) make Persad-Bissessar, without any doubt, the person of 2010. Politically , Basdeo Panday is destroyed, Patrick Manning appears unelectable, and the PNM must rebuild itself from the bottom up. All of that is mere politics and in 2011 Mrs Persad-Bissessar will continue to face challenges in keeping her team together and in providing the substantive improvements in governance that the people crave so badly and have not yet seen.I wish you all a happy Christmas and a prosperous new year.

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Murder victim is rapper Magnolia Shorty, Q93.3FM reports – NOLA.com

Published: Monday, December 20, 2010, 6:38 PM     Updated: Monday, December 20, 2010, 6:51 PM

Monday at about 4 p.m., the first ripples on Twitter began to spread, saying local rapper Magnolia Shorty was the 28-year-old woman who was murdered earlier today in a double homicide in eastern New Orleans.

Within half an hour, the name “Magnolia Shorty” became a trending topic, and a little after 5 p.m., DJ Wild Wayne made an announcement on the air on the hip-hop and R&B station Q93.3FM.

“If y’all haven’t heard, Magnolia Shorty was killed today,” he said. “I’m just astonished. I need to get my head together for a minute.”

The Orleans Parish coroner’s office had not released the names of the shooting victims by Monday evening, so there is no official confirmation from police or the coroner’s office that Shorty was killed.

A Facebook tribute page called “Magnolia Shorty Got Killed by a Smoking Gun” was created late Monday afternoon as well.

The shooting happened about 12:30 p.m. in the 6300 block of Bridgehampton Drive, police said. Officers found a man and a woman, 28, shot inside a car that had crashed into the gates of an apartment complex.

Additional details on the shooting were not immediately available. Both victims had been shot several times, according to police. They were dead at the scene, police said.

Born Renetta Lowe, Magnolia Shorty signed to Cash Money Records in the early 90′s. She was brought to the attention of label owners Bryan “Baby” and Ronald “Slim” Williams by members of the Hot Boys supergroup, who had been her childhood playmates and friends growing up in the Magnolia Project.

Shorty released her first CD on the label in 1995. Most recently, she had a pair of local club hits in a row with “Smoking Gun,” a remix of the Jadakiss song, last year, as well as this year’s “My Boy,” a collaboration with R&B singer and newly signed Jive Records artist Kourtney Heart. Magnolia Shorty performed frequently with rapper and R&B singer Ms Tee, the only other woman signed to the Cash Money label.

Shorty did an interview for Spinner.com at this year’s South by Southwest (SXSW) festival in Austin, Texas. You can see her perform with artist Kourtney Heart in the video below.

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Season’s first snowfall blankets PWC – Inside NoVA

Credit: Submitted by Lesley Moore

Snow covers a Manassas neighborhood.

PRINCE WILLIAM COUNTY, Va. –

The first snowfall of the season hit the Prince William region just after 9 a.m. this morning, blanketing the roads and closing schools.

The National Weather Service issued a winter weather advisory which remains in effect until 9 p.m. tonight. Forecasters say one to three inches are expected to fall.

About 1,400 trucks are out combating snow in northern Virginia this morning, according to the Virginia Department of Transportation

This morning, VDOT officials said that 700 trucks were ready to spread salt as soon as precipitation started, but once it did, the number of trucks was upped to about 1,400 said VDOT spokeswoman Joan Morris

Area residents reported steady snowfall throughout Prince William County this morning. 

Morris said VDOT crews began their work yesterday by pre-treating “trouble spots” on interstates 66, 95, 395 and 495 with liquid magnesium chloride.

The trouble spots included bridges and ramps known to freeze, such as the Springfield interchange, I-66 at Va. 29 and the Capital Beltway interchange and U.S. 1.

Other major roads, Va. 28, U.S. 1 and Va. 123 were treated with salt brine, VDOT officials said. 

For up-to-the-minute information on road conditions, visit www.511virginia.org. For more information on VDOT’s response to snow and for winter driving tips, visit virginiadot.org/snow.

Stay with insidenova.com for the latest weather information. And check out our Facebook page at www.facebook.com/insidenova for info and photos from our readers.

 

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On National Cupcake Day, a word for the muffin – Washington Post (blog)

cupcakeday.bmp

National Cupcake Day?

This is yet another day I feel bad for muffins.

I always think of muffins as cupcakes’ hard-working older siblings. They toiled at their unglamorous but steady jobs while cupcakes waltzed off to Hollywood to try to make it in the biz. As the muffins sat behind the Starbucks counter, they secretly looked forward to cupcakes’ not making it and slinking back home with damp and wrinkled frosting.

Then — well, we know what happened.

Cupcakes made it big. Now they’re being photographed with celebrities, they have their own reality TV series, and muffins are still stuck behind the counter, sometimes for days at a time. Cupcakes live in trendier neighborhoods than muffins. You can even buy cupcake carriers to take them from place to place without incident, like small excitable dogs! Cupcakes sometimes are arrested for transporting illicit substances. The most illicit substance muffins will transport for you is bran.

When you call someone “muffin,” you picture her as a grandmother, or a cat, or a cat who belongs to a grandmother. When you call someone “cupcake,” you’re either insulting a big man or talking to an attractive woman in a slightly more sexist era.

Meanwhile, muffins trudge in to work every day and try to keep a good attitude about it. They spill perkily out over the top. But it’s not enough. People write articles about how cupcakes are more than just cupcakes — they’re a reflection on our society. Muffins aren’t a commentary on anything. They’re just a breakfast food. Not that they don’t try to keep up. But there are few things more pathetic than a frosted muffin. “This is the general concept, right?” it seems to say. “I don’t really get it, but I’ll do it. Why don’t you love me?” It’s like watching your grandmother dress up in heels and a tube top and try to send a text message.

But I don’t blame them.

Muffins are Garfield. Cupcakes are Nermal. Muffins are Jacob. Cupcakes are Edward. Cupcakes have a celebrity quality that muffins entirely lack — they’re decorative, brightly-colored, and leave you unsatisfied. You never see people lining up around the block for muffins. But they show up every day on time regardless. They seem reconciled to the notion that, for most of us, life is a thankless task in which we give and give — bran! berries! nuts! digestive aid!– and receive nothing in return.

The cupcakes go out and make a mess. The muffins have to come around later and pick up. After you’ve eaten too many cupcakes, “muffin top” is the cute nickname for the fat that spills out over the waistband of your jeans. And that’s the pattern in a nutshell.

In case I was wrong, I looked on Facebook for a Muffin Celebration. I found a small, limp Facebook group called National Muffin Day that said you could celebrate it any time. That’s the sign you’re the red-headed step-muffin of foods. “We don’t need a special day for you, because we can celebrate you every day,” is what my parents said after they forgot my birthday. There’s an official National Blueberry Muffin Day, but it’s not the same.

So on National Cupcake Day, I’m not getting a cupcake. I’m getting a muffin, to show solidarity. Muffins put in the hard hours, and they deserve recognition.

Actually, who am I kidding? I want a cupcake.

I feel bad for muffins. I’ll probably wind up marrying one. You know, muffins, you’re so virtuous and hard-working; you make me feel guilty about myself. I see you every day behind the glass partition at Starbucks. I know you have too much dignity to beg me to take you. But if I did, it would be a pity snack. You wouldn’t want that. I know you too well.

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